


getting high (isn't what he needs)

by tyomawrites



Series: put your loving hands out (i'm begging) [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Sobriety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 12:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17849876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyomawrites/pseuds/tyomawrites
Summary: Sobriety is a god-awful thing. God-awful but it brings him back Ben (sweet, perfect, too good for him Ben), and he hopes it can bring him Dave.





	getting high (isn't what he needs)

Klaus sees Dave, for one last time sweet sweet Dave in the attic of their academy where he’s tipped on the side and then Dave’s so far away and it hurts and then Luther. He’s next to Luther and Luther is crying, he’s so sad and he wants to be able to soothe the sadness of Luther’s face.

Luther is drunk and god he’s so drunk and Klaus remembers what it was like to be drunk for the first time and it was so carefree, he wants it to be like his first time but no, Luther is so sad, he’s sad and sad and Klaus doesn’t want Luther to be so sad.

“I wanna be like you.” Luther laments and leans in to him. He’s so fucking sad.

“No. No. No.” He doesn’t want Luther to be like him, would never want Luther to be like anything that he ever was. Luther presses his shoulder against him, his cheeks are wet and Klaus wants to hold him so badly.

“I wanna do what you do.” No Luther doesn’t, he really doesn’t.

“Luther.” Luther shifts against him and he wants to grab Luther’s hand but he’s not entirely sober enough to hold onto Luther, even if he’s just, skinny, scrawny, always never sober never strong enough Klaus.

“Fine then I’ll go myself.” No, no he can’t have Luther turn out like him, or turn out like, Ben.

Luther shoves him, until his shoes and leather pants are squeaking across the floor and then Luther, Luther is gone and then Ben is staring disapprovingly and telling him to get his scrawny ass off the ground.

They hunt through every single one of the places Klaus knows to get pills, to get wasted, broken, bent, fucked up. He needs to stop Luther from fucking up his mind just like he did. Ben is, not helping him. All Ben does is keep reminding him how much of a junkie it is and he didn’t want for the both of them to get fucked up, but he can’t save Ben anymore, now all he has is Luther and he needs to save Luther. Which is all so fucking funny because Luther didn't even realize that he was kidnapped, and  _gone._

He needs Luther to be safe.

Luther doesn’t have any friends, doesn’t have anyone, so why the fuck can’t he find him. And then he finds Luther inside a club and they are so absolutely fucked. He needs to help Luther, Ben’s yelling at him to help Luther.

Klaus is going to regret this.

He jumps onto the asshole’s back, yells for Luther for help, then he gets flipped over.

 

* * *

 

 

_And everything is in black and white._

The girl is god. God is a girl on a bicycle with sunflowers in a basket, and God hates him. He’s well and truly fucked.

He expects to see Dave, wants to see Dave, needs it to be Dave.

But it’s dad.

Dear old dad who calls him weak and doesn’t truly understand how fucking horrifying it is to fucking see dead people. Dad who calls him weak but killed himself. Dad is such a selfish prick, a god-awful selfish prick.

He doesn’t want to wake up. If he’s dead he can stay with Dave.

He wakes up, someone’s been doing CPR and actually bothered helping him. Klaus shivers in the cold. Bouncers threw Luther out of the club and now he doesn’t know where Luther is. He rubs his arms, the fuck did he lose his jacket for. Ben is lagging behind him as he shakes.

He’s lost Luther, doesn’t know where he is for the life of him. God he can’t lose Luther too. He’s lost Ben so young, cause they were all idiots and never thought that Ben of all people was gonna do something like that. And then Dave, he lost Dave. He can’t lose Luther too.

And then he gets home and he can hear Luther and that chick from the club and it’s horrible. Thank fuck he doesn’t have the room right next to Luther’s. He’s goddamn fucking sober and Ben is sighing in the seat next to him.

It’s so fucking weird, being sober. He hasn’t been sober since he was a teenager. Luther walks away from them, and everything is still so fucked up. He wants to be with Dave again, even if being in 1968 could get them both killed for being in love, falling hopelessly and perfectly in love.

He dreams of them together, when everyone is dead asleep and the camp is dark and dead silent, he giggles into Dave’s shoulder while Dave mouths at his neck and shoulder. It never really happened, he knows but he wishes that he and Dave had more time, or that, maybe, he met Dave in another life.

Diego and Five drag him to go find Luther.Luther is drinking a damn beer and Diego sits down next to him.

“Right, maybe they can brood each other to death.” His shirt rides up his stomach as he leans on one of the chairs next to Five. Why doesn’t he ever get shirts that fit him right? It’s easy to get Luther to come with them, as long as Allison is involved, always if Allison is involved.

Funnily enough, Ben always tells him that Luther would never leave him behind, but he’s been wrong, Luther leaves him behind when it comes to Allison, always. He’s used to yelling at Ben that he’s wrong, especially when he’s high out of his mind and Ben looks at him disapprovingly, this time though, he’ll never tell Ben he’s wrong.

The car ride feels entirely too long now that he’s sober. Diego and Luther crammed in the backseat. They don’t bicker or fight or anything like that. He barely knows what to do, when everything is horribly loud and quiet all at once. The others can’t see him, but Ben is squished between Luther and Diego and is huffing every time Luther leans forward.

He leans his head against the car seat and the window and daydreams about Dave while Luther grows more and more impatient.

Allison’s dead. Luther is the first to crash through the door and Allison’s blood is all over the floor, her clothes, the carpet and the wood is stained. Allison’s lifeless body, not lifeless she’s still breathing.

“Sobriety is overrated, I can’t talk to the person I love, No one takes me seriously.”

He needs to drown Ben out, next to him. Ben says Dave’s name, whimpers, Dave’s voice is in his head, says the same thing with Ben’s voice and he can see Dave standing in front of him.

Ben punches him. Full on Patrick Swayze’s him with actually force and it’s physical pain in his jaw?

“You punched me.” Ben, punched him. Physically punched him. Fist to jaw. Fingers cracking against his cheek. It knocked the pills out of his mouth, but right now he doesn’t need them. He wants to reach out and touch Ben. If Ben will be anymore than a ghost right now.

“You Patrick Swayze’d me.” His powers are more than anything he needs. Talking to ghosts and seeing dead people. That’s the first step. He can conjure, for real, bring dead people back to life.

_He can bring Dave back to life._

IT is funny that, out of everyone, out of all the love that he’s ever given away to anyone and everyone he’s known. Dave matters most to him. Why is it the people that they love don’t actually end up living their life.

When he sees Five fidgeting. It’s like a mirror. He’s right when he tells Five that he’s seen the look in Five’s eyes. He sees it in the mirror in the morning when he muses his hair. He’s seen so much of it everytime he looks in the mirror and laments.

Now. He’s just going to lay in bed and try and get Dave to come back. He loves Dave. He wants his (life (Dave’s life) back. Laying in bed sober and staring at the ceiling is all he needs to get the whispers of Dave’s voice in his ears.

For a second he maybe thinks he can feel Dave’s hands across his biceps, like he’s really there and he whimpers. He squeezes his eyes shut, needs this.

Then Luther drags him and Diego down and they lock Vanya into a fucking cage. He loves and adores Luther with all his heart (almost as much as he loves Dave), but Luther is, Luther is more like dad than he realizes (surprisingly they all are, they’ve all picked up dear old dad’s traits).Klaus remembers being locked into that fucking mausoleum. Locked somewhere where he doesn’t want to be, locked into a cage because of who he is, what he is. Vanya doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve to be locked up like this.

He can’t get past Luther, his scrawny fucking ass wouldn’t be able to push past him even if he was normal. Sober or a junkie, Luther’s always been stronger. He has to leave Vanya behind, can’t fucking get past Luther. Ben talks to him, tries to get his powers to come back.

They sit in his room play that dumb patty-cake game that real kids did while they’re sitting cross-legged on cushions like something, anything is possible. Is anything possible, is bringing Ben back and conjuring him possible. Ben whispers to him when something crashes and rattles, deep down underneath the academy, and deep down inside his gut. Explosions rattle the building, the lights flicker and he stumbles down the stairs, tries too anyway.

Ben stumbles behind him, slowly, and then the fucking ceiling starts to collapse above them, pieces slam into his back, Diego’s back. Diego doesn’t get up, shifts, groans, but he doesn’t move. The ceiling is going to collapse on them, when he looks up.

His scrawny arms can’t pull Diego out of the way.

“Diego.” He shakes Diego’s shoulders, panicking. “Diego.” Hands grab him out of the way, him and Diego, and he lifts his head to see Ben. Ben who’s more corporeal. Diego moves, and Klaus tucks him under his shoulders and they go out the fire escape that Klaus is all too familiar with.

Diego hugs him tight, and Mom, oh god Mom is in the window, looking down at them with sad eyes. Diego wants to go back in and Klaus, grabs his hand and tugs him away, tugs Diego into him and runs, and Ben is next to them, not corporeal anymore but still so very much real.

In the rubble of the Academy, he can’t stop the shaking in his fingers.when Five shakes the newspaper and tells them that the Apocalypse (with a capital A) is still on. He tries, to let them all that Ben is real, and corporeal, and real. Luther snaps at him, snaps at him and he’s hurt, should be used to it but he’s hurt.

He doesn’t know if he’s angry with himself, or if he’s just done, because honestly, he could just live out the last day of his life by trying to conjure Dave and dying with him in his arms one last time. Or he could, maybe get high one more time.

He picks at the abandoned popcorn, bowls a few bowling balls. Then guys with masks and guns come in and shoot the place up. Why the fuck did he not get any combat training just like his siblings. He has to scramble across the lanes in a mad dash, his shoes don’t really have a lot of grip.

He’s shaking, why the hell is he shaking? He’s scared. Well and truly fucking scared. Why didn’t he help Vanya out, Vanya never did anything wrong, maybe, no truly, never did anything wrong. Fuck Vanya was probably the most and least tortured out of all of them. Never had what they went through but then again she was all alone. Icarus theatre is grand, opulent, grander, and the music that comes from the inside is bigger, harder to keep out.

Luther is, well he was right the first time. More like dad. He gets stuck on lookout duty, of all things. Goddamn fucking lookout duty. Ben is kicking his legs on a table that looks too expensive for his own good. Yeah his powers are to be a crazy junkie with nothing else good about him.

He gets hungry like three minutes into lookout duty, can smell the burrito truck from across street. He can’t get rid of the damn fucking itch under his skin. The food would help, he hasn’t actually eaten anything in, such a long time. Ben bugs him, while he’s digging into the burrito, the thrumming under his skin gets so much worse.

It’s been more than two days of sobriety. Gunfire catches his ears, and then he spots Cha-Cha and panics, runs back into the theatre with Ben stumbling behind him. Everything buzzes under his skin and he hasn't felt this since he was thirteen and sober. The gunmen are relentless, ruthless. Five disappears and reappears onto one of their backs and takes three of them out in the process but Diego and Luther can't escape the gunfire from between the chairs and Allison is hiding beneath her arms. 

If only Ben was here. 

"I am." Ben _is_. Ben pushes at something inside him, without entirely being inside him. Dips in and out of him and pushes at something strong and powerful. His hands start to glow, and he stumbles up from where he's hidden himself between the seats. Ben tells him to not be scared.

And then he conjures Ben.

And Ben, well Ben does his thing, does his usual thing and rips them to pieces with the tentacles, and Klaus remembers a little bit about how much he loves Ben. 

"Now who's the lookout now." He grins at Ben, who hugs him, and then Luther corrals them, to get to Vanya. They don't even get close, to Vanya, she whips the bow of her violin across them and it's like a hand reaching into his chest and squeezing. Vanya, fucking hurts. She drags at his insides, digs into him and he can feel it, like she’s got her fingers in him, like she’s dragging everything out of him and it’s taking, taking everything away from his, his powers, his breath, his life, drags every inch of him and holy fucking shit it hurts.

It feels like dying. He's fucking dying and he didn't even get to try and conjure Dave one more time.

Everything’s blindingly bright behind his eyes, and he can feel himself decaying and slipping away, slowly, painfully.

And then Allison shoots, not Vanya, no she couldn’t kill their sister. Vanya needs them.

(like he needs Dave, like Dave needed him, like they needed each other to be whole again because that was what real love is)

_oh my god he loves Dave and needs him more than anything right now, cause a part of his is missing right now._

And then he’s falling to his knees gasping. The theatre stops shaking, entirely, walls stop crumbling and Vanya collapses into Allison’s lap, her once black suit is white, and the violin has changed too. She’s motionless, but breathing, as Allison clutches onto her.

“So this is it huh, this is how we save the world?” He clutches onto Dave’s dog tags around his throat. The moon rocks are, intriguing, terrifying. The end of the world.

They didn’t stop the apocalypse because they were the cause of it. Being horrible siblings, because they didn’t do anything for Vanya when she needed them the most. It eats at him, when Klaus grips onto Diego and Luther’s hands, everything sparks around them. They destroyed the world.

Now they’re going to fix it.


End file.
